Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
