Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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