I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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