He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
