you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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