my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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