good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I looked at my own cervix.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
