I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
