he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize