you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
