Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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