Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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