Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
