If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
