She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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