just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
