Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
