fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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