It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
