You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize