her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
