im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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