i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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