I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize