Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you didnt know i had herpes?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize