none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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