he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I understand Curling. That high.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
