Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
