We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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