you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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