so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
