Me. At least after what I've been through.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
