I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
