It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
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