What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
