you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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