I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
