i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
