I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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