a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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