My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
