plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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