her vagine was all disorganized.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
