To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
