I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
whose parrot is this?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
