Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
