I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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