don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
