We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
