I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize