Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
we should paint friendship bongs
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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