pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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