well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I didn't notice because vodka
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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