You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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