Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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