I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
did i walk over a car last night?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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