I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
