I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
