I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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