You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
