Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
