wanna go halves on a baby?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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