Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize