i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
