I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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